Floating Woman

I just got back from Floating Woman, a camping event hosted by the Benedetti Family at Lake Kachess, which is about an hour east of Seattle.  I’ve known Winda Benedetti for years.  The first Floating Woman camping trip was a wedding anniversary celebration for Suzi and Bob Benedetti, Winda’s parents.  We had so much fun that first year that Reagen Benedetti, Winda’s sister, has made this an annual event by organizing the camping trip every year.  I believe the name “Floating Woman” finds its origins in response to “Burning Man,” another communal camping event many of my friends attend every year.  Also, the camping weekend includes a boat race, which makes the name “Floating Woman” even more appropriate.

I spent this past weekend enjoying the familiar campsite, great weather, and amazing company.  I also spent this weekend thinking about how much has happened in the last year.  Temporal markers mean a lot more to me nowadays and this weekend was one of them.  At last year’s Floating Woman, Alex and I were together and talking about long-term plans, I was starting trial preparation for several large cases I was handling, and I thought I was in pretty good physical shape at the time. I had no clue that I would be diagnosed with cancer in seven months. I also thought about all my friends who have gone through a lot of changes in the last year — babies were born and pregnancies announced, relationships have changed, and new homes created (some in different cities!). Lots of transition in the last year.

This weekend was just amazing. We couldn’t have asked for better weather. I arrived on Friday evening with Marshall and the Stepvan, which was a treat (it’s a totally different experience to ride in the Stepvan while it’s going 70+ mph). Saturday we all played in the lake and got a ton of sun, Saturday night we were entertained by “Soap Opera” skits put on by some of the campers, and today was the annual boat race, where Bob Benedetti finally won the coveted trophy. It was a great weekend.

Reagen Benedetti organizes Floating Woman every year, and this year she wanted to make the weekend a fundraising event. After finding out more about my condition and financial woes, she decided to have this year’s event be a fundraiser for me. Therefore, theme this year was, “The Bald and the Beautiful.” It was weird to have the focus on me this weekend, but it was also very empowering to be able to share my experiences with this extended group of friends.

The most powerful experience this weekend was the hair-cutting event today, where Reagen shaved the heads of willing participants in concert with this year’s theme. It was shocking to see how many people came forward to have their lovely locks sheared off! All the Benedetti women — Reagen, Winda, Annette, and Suzi; Annette’s husband James and two daughters, Phoenix, and Rain; Eric and his mom Donnie; and adorable Oz all got their hair cut or shaved in a show of support. I’ll have to update my blog with photos of all our shaved heads when I get photos from Winda.

I haven’t really processed the loss of my hair until this weekend. Since my diagnosis, there have been many times where I’ve felt like I’ve been placed on a train with a pre-fixed destination where everyone knows what’s going on and where we’re going except for me. As a result, I feel like perhaps I’ve just “gone with the flow” without really accepting or experiencing the real implications of what’s going on. Losing my hair was one of those experiences during this journey. It was great to have some fun with it and “hawk it out.” It was a bit more serious but still upbeat when Erin shaved my head fully bald. And I’ve definitely had some fun trying to coordinate head gear along with my wardrobe since losing all my hair. But the actual loss of my hair was a pretty sobering moment. I’ve always felt a strong connection between my hair and my personal sense of beauty, so watching the drain every day as I washed my hair and saw more and more hair fall out was very hard for me. This weekend at Lake Kachess I watched a bunch of people shave their heads in support of me and it was very overwhelming. I had to fight tears during the experience. It was such a happy moment for me, I didn’t want the photos and video being taken while it was all happening to reflect anything but joy.

I’ve found support and love everywhere along this path that I’ve been on since my diagnosis.  Floating Woman was another affirmation how many amazing people love and care for me and the power of that support system.  There is no obstacle I can’t overcome with this kind of support.