I went to a Bikram (or hot) yoga class yesterday for the first time. Some of my yogi friends are probably cringing while reading that for reasons I’ll explain in a later post. I’ve recently taken up yoga and I would really like to incorporate it into my regular workout routine. I think it’s great for strength and flexibility and there’s nothing quite like it. While sweating my ass off (quite literally) during yesterday’s Bikram yoga class, I was pleased to find that I can now do push-ups and upper body strength exercises more easily than i was able to even just a week ago. I’m also more comfortable in positions that require me to lay on my chest. But yesterday’s yoga class included some challenging upper body work that also made me realize that I am still getting used to the sensation of working my upper body. When my pectoral muscles contract, I am much more aware of the implants and at times it feels like there’s something foreign in my chest. Clearly there is something foreign in my chest, but to be really aware of that fact is a very specific sensation.
I also notice this “foreign object” sensation when I lay down on my side. Not only does it feel weird for the silicone gel to shift within my chest wall, but if I grab the boob of the side on which I’m laying, I can actually feel the bag of the implant. These moments are good reminders that although my breasts look great most of the time, they are implants and my body has had to do a lot of accommodating for the reconstruction process.
Which is another thing I should mention — again, although my boobs look great, I am noticing that my left boob is settling a bit more than my right boob. I don’t know if my right boob will settle faster at some point and this asymmetry will “correct” itself, but if it doesn’t, I will need to deal with slightly asymmetric boobs. But most real boobs aren’t fully symmetrical (a fact I once confirmed with Dr. Paige), so perhaps my reconstruction is right on the money. I do hope that my remaining time to “hang” with the implants before nipple reconstruction begins will lead to more symmetry rather than less.
Here’s today’s soundtrack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2XzoA94Zws. I have employed many techniques to battle the awful insomnia issues I dealt with last month: getting back on the workout train, working with my therapist to work though all my issues with Eric’s suicide, and stopping work at least a 1/2 hour before trying to get to bed to allow myself some downtime. But what I really think has helped me relax and disengage my mind from my world before hitting the pillow is watching the public ARTS channel, which in the late evening airs nonstop snippets of all kinds of arts – choral performances, orchestral performances, dance, plays, and documentaries. I have a soft spot for the work of certain composers. Whenever I hear Debussy, it relaxes my soul.
